When the naps stop
There comes a time, a bittersweet time when your baby is no longer a baby.
A chapter in your life has come to an end and coming to terms with that fact can be a relief and a challenge at the same time.
Today I laid with my baby, I put him down for a nap for one of (that I believe) the last times. He has been cutting his afternoon naps, telling me that he is not tired and un interested in taking a siesta.
I NEED THIS NAP
I get sh!t done during this nap
I regroup my thoughts during this nap
I get to spend some one on one with my oldest during this nap
So much is about to change and I am not ready for it.
But today, as I was laying there, I breathed it in. I sense the fast approaching closure of this chapter, so I took a moment to be there. I didnt run off to go get the damn laundry folded, Neil was content with his lego so I let him be.
Instead, I took a deep breath, I felt his breath on my cheek as he slumbered off into a deep sleep, I took in the whispy blonde hair, the dirty little hands clasping mine so tightly as if its a lifeline. I felt his little body, molded into mine as if it was made to fit so perfectly.
I watched with a sorry heart and reminisced.
The two plus years that flew by, the days that feel like minutes. We brush off the moments because aint no body got time for that. Life is busy and messy and I keep trying to slow it down and tidy it up. I cant keep up, I cant take a break, I cant breath it in all the time so it slips away, without notice it disappears...
And so today, I was sad because my baby is no longer my baby. He is too smart for his age, his squishy bits are firming up on the daily and we argue as he wants to "do it myself"
I guess I am pleading with my fellow mamas to slow it down. Its ok when the house isn't all in place, when 5 min dinners are on the menu because, well you only had 5 minutes.
I plead with you to breath in your babies today, for tomorrow is fast approaching.
I plead for you to stop wishing for when you have your free time, it will come sooner than you expect it, and in that moment you will wish back the todays.